My Married Musings

Identity & Forgiveness part 2

2010-06-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

No one wants to be continuously reminded when they have done something wrong. They feel like the other person has something over on them--they are afraid it will be hanging over their head forever,right?

The victim can walk in grace & mercy, reminding the offender that their sin does not define who they are either. They can walk confidently in forgiveness, knowing their transgressions have been washed away by the sacrifice of Christ---forever.

Often, an 'offender' may feel as if they are forever 'under' the label of their transgression, they will always be remembered as, "the one who did _________", or "the insert label of transgression here".

Going back to the Word of God, just as the 'victim', there is freedom. Christ does not recognize us as our transgression. Psalm 103:12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. He sees us just as he created us, fearfully and wonderfully made.

If an offender becomes defensive it is usually due to mistaken identity, feeling as if they are only seen as the sum of their sins. A 'victim' can graciously remind the 'offender' that they are loved and forgiven.

Although we are humans striving to be like Christ--we are not Christ. Healing must occur, which only God can do. I believe one way He heals us is through his Word, reminding us of who we truly are. Saturate yourself, in His Holy Word! His breathe, allow Christ to breathe your identity into you, even on a moment by moment basis, the breathe of life!

Both part 1 & part 2 are more for those relationships that we are involved in on a daily basis, like the marital one. Some offenses do not require continued contact. For those relationships that we truly desire reconciliation, I believe it all boils down to identity. When we know our true identity in Christ, forgiveness is a natural byproduct.

Idenity & Forgiveness Part 1

2010-06-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have heard enough sermons about *forgiveness*. Usually they focus on the mandate that we *must* forgive. I can't remember ever hearing about the offender's part in making amends.

I did some Bible searching. It has a bit to say about making amends. I think so often, these days, the emphasis is put on the one who has been offended to do the forgiving and the idea of making amends is over looked. Why? I have even heard this psycho-politically-correct idea of forgiving yourself.

I believe the offender can actually HELP the one they have offended. I believe making amends actually aids in the healing & forgiving process.

When a 'victim' (for lack of a better word) is so deeply affected by an offense committed against them---I believe it can be traced back to a lack of proper identity. When a 'victim' realizes their true identity, in Christ, the offense is not part of who they are & healing can happen leading to true forgiveness.

I believe the offender can help by understanding that when anger is shown, it is the victims way of revealing their hurt or the wound that is still there, unhealed, caused by the offense. The offender is not held captive by their offense because they have realized their own true identity as well. They know they are no longer the "offender"-in Christ their sins are forgotten.

The victim needs help remembering who they truly are too--they are no longer the "victim" but are a beautiful creation of God. In those moments, the offender would do well to respond in loving kindness to the one they have hurt--remind the one you love how much you DO love them, admit they did NOT deserve to be mistreated---why? simply because they are a child of GOD!

to be continued.....

Just pray about it!

2009-01-03T21:48:00.000-08:00

More & more before I *talk* to my DH about something, or I realize I'm feeling neglected or whatever....I take it to the Lord FIRST! Not as a last resort, not when I feel I have no other options, but FIRST.

For example, I woke up this morning feeling a little neglected & disconnected from DH. I debated for a minute if I should tell DH or not, how I was feeling. But I took it straight to the Lord & asked Him how I should handle this & was there anything within myself that could be contributing and/or creating disconnection myself, from DH.

I decided *not* to say anything but got up instead to take a shower & pray some more.

Well, DH woke up & seemed *so nice* & attentive. Offered to put a towel in the dryer for me so when I got out it would be nice & cozy etc. (that is so cozy on chilly days!)

It dawned on me, that the more I do this (go to God *first*) the more it seems the *issues* either resolve themselves (change of heart on one or both sides) or disolve all together.

I wanted to share this to encourage all of us to take it to God *first* in *all* matters & even more so w/ issues involving our relationsihps w/ our hunnies!

I *strongly* believe that prayer affects change!

I don't get it

2008-10-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

I tried & fought so hard to keep my marriage so it's really hard for me to understand those who are not. I don't believe anyone ever takes the idea of getting a divorce lightly but still...because you aren't happy?

It's so disappointing, especially when there are children involved. Why not keep it together for them? To me, it is the ultimate in selfishness. I am not referring to abusive situations. But if you are so unhappy w/ your spouse--so what? You can be civil & live as roommates. What will really be accomplished if you divorced? A lower standard of living, more hard work as both parties have to work to survive & support their families, more stress w/ a loss of income, sharing holidays, custody battles, & stressed & emotionally disturbed children who don't care about your personal issues, they just want their families together. kwim?

You won't magically find 'happiness' by being divorced. I believe it's the grass is greener idea.

I'm not trying to be judgemental--cause I have only walked in my own shoes. I am admitting I DON'T UNDERSTAND the mentality.

I'm no better. I HAVE been there, wanting to run away--but there's always a sense of responsibility. When I chose to have my children, I chose to put their needs above my own. Worst case scenario--it's the bottom line. And I also believe God has honored that. I am not stuck in a miserable marriage because of it.

I also believe you can make your own life what you want. If your life/marriage isn't the dream you thought it would be, well MAKE it into what you want--within the proper boundaries. You can still have a full adventurous life w/o prince charming meeting your every need, kwim?

You can enjoy yourself, find fulfillment in your own accomplishments, your value & self-worth in Christ alone.

I don't understand running away. I understand wanting too...but not following through w/ it. I do not find 'unhappiness' as a justifiable means for divorce. I don't care how neglected or unloved you FEEL. Find friends! Look to Christ to provide all your needs.

Is it a lack of faith? A lack in belief that Christ really will supply all your needs? Even the emotional ones? What is it?

Cause I just don't get it---@ all.

Happy Anniversary!

2008-10-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

16 years! It's bittersweet, admittedly. But i chose to celebrate & be happy for today. No one can tell me or guarantee me the future. I can only see now & chose to enjoy today.

We went to Disneyland, had a reservation for lunch @ the Blue Bayou which is inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. We did a lot more window shopping & walking around than usual since I can't go on any big rides right now, but I enjoyed myself.

We treated ourselves to an anniversary gift of an ornament. It's Mickey & Minnie together.

My memory is not magically erased but, as usual, I trust God, for now, for the future, forever.

It matters...

2008-08-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

WHO you surround yourself w/.

We have been fellowshipping w/ a new 'marriage group' & it's been great.
I really do think it makes a big difference to fellowship w/ couples if you are a couple...not just singles.

It helps to keep things in perspective & right-minded. If you hang out w/ singles, you can begin to start thinking like a 'single' & les like a 'two-some' & that is not healthy.

Also it creates a good accountability w/ each other & friendships w/ other couples where you can say: Hey, how are you REALLY doing? kwim?

Plus it's fun when you start comparing notes on behaviors or things & can laugh when you realize you ALL experience similar things w/ your other half.

I'm really enjoying our marriage group anyway...*I* think it's been FUN! :-)

Lots of thinking...

2008-05-27T23:32:00.000-07:00

It's what I do right? lol

I realized lately that dh & I are in an odd position in our social circle & in our lives....most of our friends 'our age' have been married only a few years & have a couple 'young' children or so....certainly not currently raising a 'teenager'!

Most of the people who have been married as long as us, well, no offense but they are usually older, even within 10 years or so older.

And, I am noticing a new breed of 'young people'...younger than we are, but DIVORCED.
I think the church needs to realize this new group of 'singles' out there. Sure, they may be young, & possibly not as much life experience, but they are hurt & HAVE BEEN married. I am meeting more & more younger people who have already been married & are now divorced.

We can't ignore this, as a church. And the younger couples need to hear, just as much as the longer married couples, stories of redemption, reconciliation & real, true to life stories of marriages.

Currently @ our church we have quite a few 'younger couples', only a few years married or soon to be married couples. They need to know that a covenant IS a covenant. You don't get to upgrade cause you get bored. Marriage is not a cell phone! kwim?

Seems outrageous but I think the mentality is really out there. And they need to hear about redemption & forgiveness. I can only imagine (having been close) how devastating a divorce can be. Maybe even more so for a couple that is young & hasn't been married that long. I don't believe anyone gets married w/ PLANS to divorce.

I truly believe all marriages start out hopeful & thinking all their dreams & fantasies of love are going to be fulfilled in that one person.

DH & I are in a weird 'state' because we DO have quite a bit of marital experience, we have been married an unusual length of time, given our age. One might say our 'experience' is not a very good example, given our marital history....but *I* would venture to say that it gives more weight. We ARE still married right? What did we do or not do that got us to this point?

Good & bad, both can be learned from.

Maybe we are finally in a place where we will be able to share that knowledge. I hope to be transparent enough to do that. Maybe now is the time & season in our lives that God will start to use this mess of a marriage we have to minister to someone else.

I don't know. But I do know I am ready to take that step. To share what I have learned, from every angle, about being a wife & my place within my marriage.

No, I do not have all the answers....but I do have something to offer.

Can you love like this?

2008-03-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

When it was Over by Sara Groves

When it was over and they could talk about it
She said there's just one thing I have got to know
What in that moment when you were running so hard and fast
Made you stop and turn for home
He said I always knew you loved me even though I'd broken your heart
I always knew there'd be a place for me to make a brand new start

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole
There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A friend sent me this CD & this is the first song. She said it reminded her of my situation. I'd have to say I agree.

I am blessed by the idea that my DH felt this way (the first stanza), knowing somewhere in his heart, that he could come back. The idea that THAT is the unconditional love Christ has for us & that I was able to convey @ least a portion of that to my DH....blesses & encourages me.

Someone should have told ME!

2008-03-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

You don't realize when you get married...that you marry a person w/ all kinds of {hidden} junk!

Sure, they are cute & loving & all that. Sure, you know that once you actually have to share air, space & a closet, things might feel a bit cramped @ points & you will learn that they may not ever put the cap on the toothpaste!

I'm referring to deeper issues. There are parts of people, every person, I believe, that may not show itself until that crisis moment.

Perhaps not until they have a lot of money does something deep stir within them. Or maybe under times of deep stress.

No one tells you that not only are you marrying a person AND all their extended family BUT you are committing yourself to thier JUNK! & they to yours!

Young hopeful-weds need to be told that there may come a time when you may encounter a situation w/ your spouse that is WORTH throwing & losing your favorite pink suede shoes in the bushes, because lucky for your DH, you have bad aim! kwim?

That's when you ask yourself...did 'for better or for worse' REALLY mean THIS?
You wonder: just how serious is this vow & covenant thing?

The {married} life you imagined may not look anything like the {married} life you end up w/.

The person you choose to marry may not & probably will NOT be the same person you are married to 10 years or 15 years later. & I don't mean because you got divorced & remarried. I mean because people DO change & develop. You don't really know what kind of parent they will be or choose to be. You don't really know what kind of expectations they may have deep inside. Or what familial patterns have been established within thier being.

How many times do we see people who swear they will NEVER end up like thier parents (or something else) only to become the very thing they swore they would not.

People grow & they do change or develop unexpected habits or patterns.

My point is: you have to be prepared for this. Marriage is definitely a test of love. Sacrificial, unconditional, undying love.

Can you think of someone else you may know that loves like that? ;-)

HILARIOUS!

2008-03-15T18:13:00.001-07:00

I'm still Married....

2008-01-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

Maybe by the skin of my teeth?

I think I might've deleted a bunch of married musing blogs after mine fell apart....figuring what right do I have to blog about marriage---I obviously know NOTHING, right?

I thought I was doing a good job, being a good wife.

SOOooooo how does something like 'this' happen....? Again? {sigh}

I've realized, even more, it was NOT a lacking on MY part. It was a lack on HIS.

Irregardless, *I* still believe in my vows, my covenant, w/ him, w/ God. I meant it, I still mean it.

I know it won't be easy...God is my strength.

I am still married & I know what it takes to stay married, @ least from MY pov.
I DO have some experience in this arena.....:-)

What did he know, anyway? ;)

2007-07-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready;
may it do him ease.

Katharina, Taming of the Shrew--William Shakespeare

How did you bless your Husband today?

2007-07-06T22:30:00.001-07:00

I am tired today & have a headache...so what?

My DH is tired today & is working!

Working while I can be lazy or not, swim w/ the kiddos or not, work in my garden or not. Which would you prefer? lol

So I got up off my duff & did a few things to bless my DH instead of giving into the lazy, hazy day of summer.

So how did I bless my dh today?

I put away a pile of laundry, his laundry that has been shamefully sitting in our bedroom way longer than it should have been. Hanging up his clothes led me to remove the empty wire hangers from his closet of work clothes....which led me to moving his 'nice casual' shirts into that same closet.

I plan on finishing up this bedroom & the living room tomorrow.

Sunday is his day off & I think he will feel much more relaxed, refreshed, appreciated & pleased if everything is in it's new state of 'extra' tidiness.

How will you bless your DH today?

So you don't FEEL like it?

2007-04-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

Here is an EXCELLENT post from Dr. Laura's Blog that I KNOW for a fact MANY women can relate too.

Personally I think it's a shame.

Not 'feeling' like it is a SAD excuse.

Read it & let me know what you think.....if you feel like it. ;-)

Mrs. Steve Irwin

2006-10-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

I watched the interview w/ the Crocodile Hunter's Wife last week.

It was obvious she loved him & he her. It was heartbreakign when she said, "I have lost my Prince. I have lost my Prince."

You could tell that Steve, her DH, had such a zest for life.

What struck me the most & I found so inspiring was her acceptance of WHO he was. She did not try to change him, never did. Their honeymoon was unexpectedly spent chasing down a crocodile that was in danger. Crikey! Imagine?

Imagine if she would have tried to say: I love you BUT can you stay home for awhile? I'm tired of the swamp life, I need you home, we need you home, why don't you get a steady job & go take a shower! kwim?

She said he taught her how to have FUN & that was what she would miss the most. He taught her it was OK if you got some dirt on your clothes. Also it was obvious from home videos & testimonies that he lived life to the fullest, taking NOTHING for granted, day by day. He loved his children.

What an inspiring passionate marriage & love they shared. I also took note of the fact that she accompanied him on many of his adventures. His adventures were her adventures. It brought them closer & made thier marital relationship even stronger, it seems.

I hope that I can be such a wife. One that encourages & my own DH's passions, dreams & visions.

Do you inspire your DH passions?

Currently reading & HIGHLY recommend:

2006-05-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldman

VERY insightful. It contains the results of a survey that the author did of hundreds of men, church going & non-church going. So far the answers have not been very surprising but I have asked my DH some of the questions & his answers have been in the majority as well.

I was especially enlightened by the burden/need the majority of men feel to support their families, whether their wives worked or not. It did clarify a bit of my Dh's work ethic to me.

THe need to put in as many hours as necessary to be sure the family is supported ect. Wow, it made so much sense, since my DH works MANY long nights, more often than not.

I am not finished w/ it yet, I might write even more when I am.

Do YOU inspire HIM?

2006-02-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

What Is It That I Love?

If asked why I love her I would say

It’s the sway in her hips,

the thickness in her thighs.

It’s the lust in her lips,

the love in her eyes.

It’s the softness of her skin,

the silk in her hair.

It’s the twist in her walk;

it’s the sweetness in her talk.

It’s the way she loves me

that makes me love her each day.

That is what I would say.

- Justin Hutchins -

Spend some $$$

2006-02-10T18:22:00.000-08:00

Buy NEW underwear!

It's WORTH it! No excuse.

Every woman should have a great stash of sexy, cute & comfy undies.

Silky or cotton, something that looks nice AND makes you FEEL sexy!

Splurge if you have too, it's NOT a waste!

Now is a great time to get them anyway...all those Valentine sales ya know! ;o)

Lovely Quote

2006-01-26T16:42:00.000-08:00

Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of every day life into a golden haze.

Elinor Glynn

When did IT become so COMPLICATED?

2006-01-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

The day you stopped teasing.

The day you stopped flirting.

The day you stopped playing.

The day you chose not to make the effort.

The day you decided it was effort.

The day you chose to expect instead of earn his affection, love & loyalty.

Is it time to simplify?

Before you put away those Christmas lights...

2006-01-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

....& mistletoe...

VALENTINE'S is RIGHT around the corner. NOW is an EXCELLENT time to stock up on some 'colors' of the season for romantic decorating & mood lighting for your love nest (aka: bedroom).

You can get some red & clear holiday lights & arrange them around your headboard or bedroom windows for some instant romatic lighting. Lots of red, white & even pink, decorations on clearance right now that you can re-use for your Valentine decorating.

Not to mention all the goodies & gift sets on clearance. You can find outrageous deals on bath sets. Take it apart & make a romantic personalized gift set out of it.

How many H really LIKE bath sets? All they see it as is SOAP? Buuuuuttt....if that gift set is accompanied by a romantic love coupon or a sexy note stating you will ACCOMPANY him in a relaxing bubble bath...then I think he might enjoy getting 'lathered' up don't you? lol

OR how 'bout a nice & cozy new robe and/or slippers? W/ a promise to come to bed wearing ONLY those. ;)

Start planning NOW. You've got plenty of time to learn, practice & prepare for a night of strip-teasing.

Resolve to make THIS Valentine's one of the first, of many, memorable moments of this New Year.

Romantic Holiday Decorating

2005-11-27T14:58:00.000-08:00

With the holidays upon us.....I'm sure we're getting our homes in festive order, & scouring the stores for the best deals on gifts ect. But why not extend the holiday cheer into the bedroom?

It's not hard to brighten up a bedroom for the holidays. The obvious thing to do is to use the bed as the focal point of the room. Buy a string of colored or clear lights & string them around the head board, windows, cieling or wall for some romantic mood lighting. Don't forget the mistletoe...make sure it's right above your bed and/or in the doorway leading to the bedroom! ;) You can even hang a cheerful wreath above the bed.

If you don't have much to decorate w/ then declutter! That makes even the tiniest of rooms look fresh & inviting. Clutter can be feel smothering. Set up a cluster of candles of various heights on a dresser, preferably in Christmas colors.

Don't forget to decorate yourself! Why not invest in a tiny, sexy, faux santa suit! Something satiny & red, trimmed in white fur? You can even go basic & more practical but still fun & sexy by purchasing a matching bra & panty set in red & if you wanted you can trim it yourself, in some white fun fur! lol For the totally FUN but frugal minded.....present yourself, one night, in nothing but a bright red bow! Strategically placed perhaps?

When creating your Christmas Card list...don't forget to create one specially for H. Add a little love note or a 'reservation': "Meet me in the bedroom @ 8pm for a little hot & heavy Christmas Gift UNwrapping!"

For some extra special 'intimate' gifts....you can always check out my website for sexy gift giving.

Happy Romantic Holidays & a Very Sexy & Merry Christmas to you! ;o)

Another use for: Stow & Go Seating

2005-10-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently the salesmen don't tell you THIS when you purchase a Honda Odyssey Mini-van...I bet they'd sell MORE mini-vans IF they did.......

H & I were walking out of a movie today, to our car in the parking lot. As we walked past a nice, silver odyssey mini-van, we noticed it was ON. Noone was in the driver or passenger seat. I thought: could someone actually have accidentally left their car running?

How odd.

H was like: what the heck?

Until.......he noticed a bobbing head & a pair of feminine feet up in the air, in the back! Thank goodness they had tinted windows because I had just walked right past the car. (another good reason to have those, too)

See.... the middle seats had been removed (apparently) & the back seats were 'stowed'. {they can fold flat in the Odyssey}
I didn't believe him @ first but when he pointed out the motion of the van, I knew it must be true. H thought it was a bit 'indiscreet'.

I was happy that some parents (obviously, they were in a mini-van!) were making time for themselves. Good for them.

Uh...next time though, you might want to choose a less populated parking lot. I don't know, just a thought. ;o)

BE Flirtatious

2005-09-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

Flirting is NOT just for giggling teenage girls. Flirting is FUN & can help relax or invigorate the 'mood'. Have you forgotten HOW to flirt?

One afternoon @ the mall (or any teen hangout) should be all you need to remember. I bet your DH would LOVE you to flirt w/ him. Why not? It's mostly body language...what has your 'body language' said lately? Does it say, I want you, you're cute, or get near me & DIE! lololol

Here are a few reminders in case you have forgotten how.......

giggle @ his jokes (or anything he says. lol)
touch his arm while your talking
play w/ a strand of hair while your talking
laugh AND touch his arm for a second
put your head down while looking up & batting your eyelashes
race him to get the mail
wrestle w/ him over the remote
attempt to feed him his next bite of dessert but miss his mouth
clean his face w/ a kiss
kiss him unexpectedly @ a red light next time your driving
tickle him

Since you ARE married you have free reign to take your flirting ALL the way & 'follow through'. :o)

The Upside of Anger

2005-08-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

I saw this movie a few weeks ago. The main character is a 40's something wife who believes her H has left her to run off w/ his Swedish secretary. She also has 4 daughters in various ages, highschool to college.

One particular scene in the movie has stayed w/ me all these weeks. A minor character gets involved w/ the heroine's dd who is much younger than him. This character is portrayed as a bit of a sleezy guy who goes for girls much younger than himself. The heroine, dealing w/ the rejection by her own H, thinks he's disgusting & finally lets him know it.

She asks him WHY can't he date women his own age?

His response was quite insightful. Don't quote me on it....but his answer was: young girls are NICE! The older ladies, ladies his age, are mean, bitter women. Much like the heroine was becoming. I have seen this IRL.

Young beautiful women are everywhere. There will always be someone younger & prettier than you. What happened?

When we are dating our future spouse, we put on all sorts of 'airs' & charms. We get dressed up to go out. We pick out our underthings w/ care & concern. We wear our best clothes, pretty earrings, do our hair. Down to the polish we have on our toes. WE look HOT. Then we also put on our best behavior.

We laugh @ his jokes. We charm him. We hold his hand & lean in close when he's talking. We gaze into his eyes. We pay attention. We come home & count the minutes when he should be arriving home so we can call him & talk some more. We just want to hear his voice. No matter what he's saying. We are more than nice.

Hook. Line. & sinker.

Years go by, kids are born. Whatever. Where is that young vivacious girl now? Is she bogged down by worry & discontent? Is she angry because the garbage wasn't taken out today? Is she upset that the towel is on the bathroom floor?

Are we making it easy for our men to have their heads turned towards those nice young girls? Or are we welcoming them home? Have we become bitter wives? Contentious partners? Sourfaces? Do we nag every chance we get? OR save our niceties for 'pay day'?

Remember that young girl you were? How much you loved even a few moments w/ your man? You cherished those moments & gave him all your attention. You loved to hear about his day whether you understood it or not.

Are we turning our men away w/ our frowns? W/ our worry?

She's still there...sure there may have been some surprises along the path, maybe you lost your way for awhile. I'm sure he may have too. You can re-start today. SMILE.

It is the quickest & easiest way to improve your value.

Remember every time you push him away, give him a frown or complaint, there are plenty of other women out there just waiting to lavish him w/ attention, compliments & smiles.

SMILE! ;o)

How do you look?

2005-08-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend asked me what my H likes to see me in, dresses, pants or what? My response was: "Naked"

We chuckeld over that but it's true. H does not care too much what I wear daily but he LOVES to see my body in the nude. I suspect most H love to see their W nude as well.

H does make a point of complimenting me when I am dressed especially nice. It's so important for us to remember our H visual needs. Most men are visually stimulated. There are plenty of tempting opportunites in daily life & the best way to avoid the temptations is to be full & satiated by our lover BEFORE we/they are tempted.

I think it is important for W to present themselves as attractively as possible when greeting their H home from work or time away. I'm not advocating a return to June Cleaver's heels & pearls (although that might be fun) for everyday attire, but a fresh face, clean clothes & a smile @ least.

Who doesn't enjoy being greeted w/ a smile? followed by a hug, a kiss and......who knows where the evening will go from there...... :o)

It's also important to remember to feed the desires of OUR H, not just most men. Find out what YOUR H likes to see you in (or out of) & try to fufill that desire on a regular basis.

Song of Solomon 4:1a
Behold, thou art fair, my love;behold, thou art fair.....

A few things I've learned.....

2005-08-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

...IF your gonna do a seductive dance for your H, while standing on the bed, make sure the cieling fan is OFF!

...if/when you do that seductive dance ON the bed, it really should be on something more solid because a ceiling fan isn't that stable to grab onto when you are about to fall off.

...hot/warming massage oil should never be confused as a personal lubricant, it burns!

...if you use bengay for achy muscles, make extra sure you wash your hands before coming in contact w/ 'intimate' parts.

...you cannot see cellulite in candlelight.

...the one time you don't lock your door, someone will forget to knock before entering!

...if it slips out to the kidbits that you want a clear shower curtain so you can see daddy naked, they WILL repeat it.

And this has nothing to do w/ the bedroom but for continuity sake: the ONE time you are organized enough to have everyone in coordinating outifts & make the appointment in time to get your portraits done in time for Christmas, the photographer will die & you won't be able to get them back until next year anyway!

The GOOD Girlz Guide to being Naughty!

2005-06-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Stripping or the art of the strip-tease is NOT just for exotic dancers & porn stars!!! Ladies...it's time to throw all your pre-concieved notions of the good girl/bad girl mentality OUT the window! GOD designed sex within marriage to be satisfying, healthy & PLEASURABLE!

SO let's' focus on ONE way to gain & give MORE pleasure in the bedroom w/ the STRIP TEASE! I think you can plan it out...or even just try to remember a few really good moves that would work. Don't pressure yourselves ladies that you need to have this full choreographed sequence of events.... Even just swaying the hips to the music for a bit works! LOL

Also a few really good moves for those who are self-conscious of their bodies, accentuating your best @$$ets!...remember: 'use what you have decorating'!!!

Here are a few suggestions for 'moves'...

Scissor legs: work your way to the floor but facing H & lean back (or even sitting up, like a stretch) spread your legs open & closed a few times, then crossed them & roll over. Makes legs look longer & leaner.

**EVEN excercise moves would work. I don't know how many times I have been doing basic leg lifts & H comments on what a turn on it is! LOL

Bend over: this ALWAYS works. Facing away so H has a backside view. Just bend over, pretty simple, sway a bit or move your back side in cingular motions....H dies for THIS! Makes the rear look nice & round, the bigger the better....

Cat moves: crawling on all fours, sultry like, forward OR away from H, across the floor, couch or bed. Again, avoids 'problem areas', using gravity to your benefit & focusing on rear, extends body when you are stretching out gracefully as you move.

Hands up: Hold hands up in the air but clasped together above head & sway hips to the music. Elongates the body & gives a nice view, really sexy if your hair falls seductively over body parts. (if your hair's short, you can use this move anyway)

Hands across front: can be used same as hands up but you support your breasts to create sexy poses, also good time to use hair again. Don't neglect the use of your hair, coy head tosses are highly encouraged.

Props: feather, scarf, discarded lingerie..... Properly used props can help you slowly move to being completely nude. Use the prop to carress your body where you KNOW he wishes his hands were.

Don't neglect natural spaces/props like the floor or wall. You can lean & dance up against a wall, it creates a silouhette type of scene, try sliding up & down against it. Spreading your legs & arms wide against it. Even a door-way (bathroom, closet or bedroom door) or screen can be a nice teaser, you can be behind part of it, extending a silk stocking'd or bare leg, working your way out.

Same thing w/ the floor: rolling around slowly, always 'get up' rear first, (keeping both hands & feet on the floor while your rear goes up) it will be easier & more seductive anyway, especially if you are in heels.

Take your time.
Candles are ALWAYS good. (they hide a flaws & dirty laundry on the floor! )

** For the extra shy...a sheer screen w/ a light behind it (your side) would be a great 'show' for your dh. Place the BRIGHT light/lamp on the same side as you & it will create a silouhette for your H to see on his side...old fashioned type of show & will help you work up to being completely, face-to-face nude in front of him.

You can manuever this quite frugally: either sheer fabric tacked across the ceiling to hang down, or a created w/ a dividing screen you can find @ home stores...or a super crafty lady could create one w/ some wood or plastic piping. (I once saw a puppet thingy done like this using the plastic piping)

OKAY ladies...you generous wives you...get creative!!!!
And have FUN!

'Use What You HAVE Decorating!' Part 1

2005-06-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

Coming from a woman who used to be VERY voluptuous (yay!) w/ a BIG butt (boo!) who is now thin (yay?) w/ a practically flat boy chest (boo!)....

Okay, Let me tell you what I have learned: {from (what I like to call) my own personal use-what-you-have-decorating philosophy}

Cellulite can NOT be seen in candle light. {I promote candles as the biggest flaw/fat/dirty-laundry/hider ever invented}

Voluptuous, well endowed women usually ALWAYS look better NAKED than w/ clothes on, especially lying on the bed. {so light a candle & strike a pose}

I've NEVER, EVER heard about a MAN complain about his W NAKED body. Nor complain that she gets TOO naked or naked TOO much!

If your breasts are small or not quite a perky as they used to be---buy smaller lingerie tops (ie: tight) it will hold everything in & up better. Halter style lingerie & tops are especially flattering for smaller busts.

If you are larger up top, use underwire for some great cleavage.
Use your arms to squeeze the breasts together (arms down in front, like w/ hands clasped) for sexy posing opportunities.

Boy shorts are great for ANY booty, the bigger the better because then your cheeks hang out (which I think is the point), if your problem is that yours is too flat, get a thong to create the idea of more curves. Bend over alot in the bedroom, makes it look even rounder rather than mishapen (as many of us women (wrongly) believe our bodies are)

No waist? Use separate pieces of lingerie (bra & panties) to break up the line OR maybe even a corset to create an hourglass shape. Something w/ a built in bra, sheer middle that slits open down the front. (perfect for that pregnant figure)

Learn what your H likes & enjoys in the bedroom. When you are confident in your lovemaking skills & realize all the potential pleasure your body is capable of creating w/ & for your H-------woohoo! You will really start to feel good about yourself.

Creat something just for the 2 of you---become great @ oral, or strip teasing or riding him or erotic massage----whatever. Try to focus on ONE aspect & become GREAT @ it!

PRETEND you are a MODEL. This really works. It really helps you to feel confidently sexy!
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Our body was NOT created just for us to stare @ & pick apart inch by inch. It was created to birth babies, nurse babies, pleasure Husbands, nurture family & friends ect. Just because your 10lbs overweight or 50 lbs overweight or 10 lbs underweight, does NOT mean that you can not give & receive sexual pleasure as God intended.

GET CREATIVE!
'Use-what-you-have-decorating!'