Identity & Forgiveness part 2

No one wants to be continuously reminded when they have done something wrong. They feel like the other person has something over on them--they are afraid it will be hanging over their head forever,right?

The victim can walk in grace & mercy, reminding the offender that their sin does not define who they are either. They can walk confidently in forgiveness, knowing their transgressions have been washed away by the sacrifice of Christ---forever.

Often, an 'offender' may feel as if they are forever 'under' the label of their transgression, they will always be remembered as, "the one who did _________", or "the insert label of transgression here".

Going back to the Word of God, just as the 'victim', there is freedom. Christ does not recognize us as our transgression. Psalm 103:12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. He sees us just as he created us, fearfully and wonderfully made.

If an offender becomes defensive it is usually due to mistaken identity, feeling as if they are only seen as the sum of their sins. A 'victim' can graciously remind the 'offender' that they are loved and forgiven.

Although we are humans striving to be like Christ--we are not Christ. Healing must occur, which only God can do. I believe one way He heals us is through his Word, reminding us of who we truly are. Saturate yourself, in His Holy Word! His breathe, allow Christ to breathe your identity into you, even on a moment by moment basis, the breathe of life!

Both part 1 & part 2 are more for those relationships that we are involved in on a daily basis, like the marital one. Some offenses do not require continued contact. For those relationships that we truly desire reconciliation, I believe it all boils down to identity. When we know our true identity in Christ, forgiveness is a natural byproduct.

Idenity & Forgiveness Part 1

I have heard enough sermons about *forgiveness*. Usually they focus on the mandate that we *must* forgive. I can't remember ever hearing about the offender's part in making amends.

I did some Bible searching. It has a bit to say about making amends. I think so often, these days, the emphasis is put on the one who has been offended to do the forgiving and the idea of making amends is over looked. Why? I have even heard this psycho-politically-correct idea of forgiving yourself.

I believe the offender can actually HELP the one they have offended. I believe making amends actually aids in the healing & forgiving process.

When a 'victim' (for lack of a better word) is so deeply affected by an offense committed against them---I believe it can be traced back to a lack of proper identity. When a 'victim' realizes their true identity, in Christ, the offense is not part of who they are & healing can happen leading to true forgiveness.

I believe the offender can help by understanding that when anger is shown, it is the victims way of revealing their hurt or the wound that is still there, unhealed, caused by the offense. The offender is not held captive by their offense because they have realized their own true identity as well. They know they are no longer the "offender"-in Christ their sins are forgotten.

The victim needs help remembering who they truly are too--they are no longer the "victim" but are a beautiful creation of God. In those moments, the offender would do well to respond in loving kindness to the one they have hurt--remind the one you love how much you DO love them, admit they did NOT deserve to be mistreated---why? simply because they are a child of GOD!

to be continued.....

*Just* pray about it!

More & more before I *talk* to my DH about something, or I realize I'm feeling neglected or whatever....I take it to the Lord FIRST! Not as a last resort, not when I feel I have no other options, but FIRST.

For example, I woke up this morning feeling a little neglected & disconnected from DH. I debated for a minute if I should tell DH or not, how I was feeling. But I took it straight to the Lord & asked Him how I should handle this & was there anything within myself that could be contributing and/or creating disconnection myself, from DH.

I decided *not* to say anything but got up instead to take a shower & pray some more.

Well, DH woke up & seemed *so nice* & attentive. Offered to put a towel in the dryer for me so when I got out it would be nice & cozy etc. (that is so cozy on chilly days!)

It dawned on me, that the more I do this (go to God *first*) the more it seems the *issues* either resolve themselves (change of heart on one or both sides) or disolve all together.

I wanted to share this to encourage all of us to take it to God *first* in *all* matters & even more so w/ issues involving our relationsihps w/ our hunnies!

I *strongly* believe that prayer affects change!

I don't get it

I tried & fought so hard to keep my marriage so it's really hard for me to understand those who are not. I don't believe anyone ever takes the idea of getting a divorce lightly but still...because you aren't happy?

It's so disappointing, especially when there are children involved. Why not keep it together for them? To me, it is the ultimate in selfishness. I am not referring to abusive situations. But if you are so unhappy w/ your spouse--so what? You can be civil & live as roommates. What will really be accomplished if you divorced? A lower standard of living, more hard work as both parties have to work to survive & support their families, more stress w/ a loss of income, sharing holidays, custody battles, & stressed & emotionally disturbed children who don't care about your personal issues, they just want their families together. kwim?

You won't magically find 'happiness' by being divorced. I believe it's the grass is greener idea.

I'm not trying to be judgemental--cause I have only walked in my own shoes. I am admitting I DON'T UNDERSTAND the mentality.

I'm no better. I HAVE been there, wanting to run away--but there's always a sense of responsibility. When I chose to have my children, I chose to put their needs above my own. Worst case scenario--it's the bottom line. And I also believe God has honored that. I am not stuck in a miserable marriage because of it.

I also believe you can make your own life what you want. If your life/marriage isn't the dream you thought it would be, well MAKE it into what you want--within the proper boundaries. You can still have a full adventurous life w/o prince charming meeting your every need, kwim?

You can enjoy yourself, find fulfillment in your own accomplishments, your value & self-worth in Christ alone.

I don't understand running away. I understand wanting too...but not following through w/ it. I do not find 'unhappiness' as a justifiable means for divorce. I don't care how neglected or unloved you FEEL. Find friends! Look to Christ to provide all your needs.

Is it a lack of faith? A lack in belief that Christ really will supply all your needs? Even the emotional ones? What is it?

Cause I just don't get it---@ all.

Happy Anniversary!

16 years! It's bittersweet, admittedly. But i chose to celebrate & be happy for today. No one can tell me or guarantee me the future. I can only see now & chose to enjoy today.

We went to Disneyland, had a reservation for lunch @ the Blue Bayou which is inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. We did a lot more window shopping & walking around than usual since I can't go on any big rides right now, but I enjoyed myself.

We treated ourselves to an anniversary gift of an ornament. It's Mickey & Minnie together.

My memory is not magically erased but, as usual, I trust God, for now, for the future, forever.

It matters...

WHO you surround yourself w/.

We have been fellowshipping w/ a new 'marriage group' & it's been great.
I really do think it makes a big difference to fellowship w/ couples if you are a couple...not just singles.

It helps to keep things in perspective & right-minded. If you hang out w/ singles, you can begin to start thinking like a 'single' & les like a 'two-some' & that is not healthy.

Also it creates a good accountability w/ each other & friendships w/ other couples where you can say: Hey, how are you REALLY doing? kwim?

Plus it's fun when you start comparing notes on behaviors or things & can laugh when you realize you ALL experience similar things w/ your other half.

I'm really enjoying our marriage group anyway...*I* think it's been FUN! :-)

Lots of thinking...

It's what I do right? lol

I realized lately that dh & I are in an odd position in our social circle & in our lives....most of our friends 'our age' have been married only a few years & have a couple 'young' children or so....certainly not currently raising a 'teenager'!

Most of the people who have been married as long as us, well, no offense but they are usually older, even within 10 years or so older.

And, I am noticing a new breed of 'young people'...younger than we are, but DIVORCED.
I think the church needs to realize this new group of 'singles' out there. Sure, they may be young, & possibly not as much life experience, but they are hurt & HAVE BEEN married. I am meeting more & more younger people who have already been married & are now divorced.

We can't ignore this, as a church. And the younger couples need to hear, just as much as the longer married couples, stories of redemption, reconciliation & real, true to life stories of marriages.

Currently @ our church we have quite a few 'younger couples', only a few years married or soon to be married couples. They need to know that a covenant IS a covenant. You don't get to upgrade cause you get bored. Marriage is not a cell phone! kwim?

Seems outrageous but I think the mentality is really out there. And they need to hear about redemption & forgiveness. I can only imagine (having been close) how devastating a divorce can be. Maybe even more so for a couple that is young & hasn't been married that long. I don't believe anyone gets married w/ PLANS to divorce.

I truly believe all marriages start out hopeful & thinking all their dreams & fantasies of love are going to be fulfilled in that one person.

DH & I are in a weird 'state' because we DO have quite a bit of marital experience, we have been married an unusual length of time, given our age. One might say our 'experience' is not a very good example, given our marital history....but *I* would venture to say that it gives more weight. We ARE still married right? What did we do or not do that got us to this point?

Good & bad, both can be learned from.

Maybe we are finally in a place where we will be able to share that knowledge. I hope to be transparent enough to do that. Maybe now is the time & season in our lives that God will start to use this mess of a marriage we have to minister to someone else.

I don't know. But I do know I am ready to take that step. To share what I have learned, from every angle, about being a wife & my place within my marriage.

No, I do not have all the answers....but I do have something to offer.

Can you love like this?

When it was Over by Sara Groves

When it was over and they could talk about it
She said there's just one thing I have got to know
What in that moment when you were running so hard and fast
Made you stop and turn for home
He said I always knew you loved me even though I'd broken your heart
I always knew there'd be a place for me to make a brand new start

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole
There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A friend sent me this CD & this is the first song. She said it reminded her of my situation. I'd have to say I agree.

I am blessed by the idea that my DH felt this way (the first stanza), knowing somewhere in his heart, that he could come back. The idea that THAT is the unconditional love Christ has for us & that I was able to convey @ least a portion of that to my DH....blesses & encourages me.

Someone should have told ME!

You don't realize when you get married...that you marry a person w/ all kinds of {hidden} junk!

Sure, they are cute & loving & all that. Sure, you know that once you actually have to share air, space & a closet, things might feel a bit cramped @ points & you will learn that they may not ever put the cap on the toothpaste!

I'm referring to deeper issues. There are parts of people, every person, I believe, that may not show itself until that crisis moment.

Perhaps not until they have a lot of money does something deep stir within them. Or maybe under times of deep stress.

No one tells you that not only are you marrying a person AND all their extended family BUT you are committing yourself to thier JUNK! & they to yours!

Young hopeful-weds need to be told that there may come a time when you may encounter a situation w/ your spouse that is WORTH throwing & losing your favorite pink suede shoes in the bushes, because lucky for your DH, you have bad aim! kwim?

That's when you ask yourself...did 'for better or for worse' REALLY mean THIS?
You wonder: just how serious is this vow & covenant thing?

The {married} life you imagined may not look anything like the {married} life you end up w/.

The person you choose to marry may not & probably will NOT be the same person you are married to 10 years or 15 years later. & I don't mean because you got divorced & remarried. I mean because people DO change & develop. You don't really know what kind of parent they will be or choose to be. You don't really know what kind of expectations they may have deep inside. Or what familial patterns have been established within thier being.

How many times do we see people who swear they will NEVER end up like thier parents (or something else) only to become the very thing they swore they would not.

People grow & they do change or develop unexpected habits or patterns.

My point is: you have to be prepared for this. Marriage is definitely a test of love. Sacrificial, unconditional, undying love.

Can you think of someone else you may know that loves like that? ;-)

HILARIOUS!

I'm still Married....

Maybe by the skin of my teeth?

I think I might've deleted a bunch of married musing blogs after mine fell apart....figuring what right do I have to blog about marriage---I obviously know NOTHING, right?

I thought I was doing a good job, being a good wife.

SOOooooo how does something like 'this' happen....? Again? {sigh}

I've realized, even more, it was NOT a lacking on MY part. It was a lack on HIS.

Irregardless, *I* still believe in my vows, my covenant, w/ him, w/ God. I meant it, I still mean it.

I know it won't be easy...God is my strength.

I am still married & I know what it takes to stay married, @ least from MY pov.
I DO have some experience in this arena.....:-)

What did he know, anyway? ;)

Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready;
may it do him ease.

Katharina, Taming of the Shrew--William Shakespeare

How did you bless your Husband today?

I am tired today & have a headache...so what?

My DH is tired today & is working!

Working while I can be lazy or not, swim w/ the kiddos or not, work in my garden or not. Which would you prefer? lol

So I got up off my duff & did a few things to bless my DH instead of giving into the lazy, hazy day of summer.

So how did I bless my dh today?

I put away a pile of laundry, his laundry that has been shamefully sitting in our bedroom way longer than it should have been. Hanging up his clothes led me to remove the empty wire hangers from his closet of work clothes....which led me to moving his 'nice casual' shirts into that same closet.

I plan on finishing up this bedroom & the living room tomorrow.

Sunday is his day off & I think he will feel much more relaxed, refreshed, appreciated & pleased if everything is in it's new state of 'extra' tidiness.

How will you bless your DH today?

So you don't FEEL like it?

Here is an EXCELLENT post from Dr. Laura's Blog that I KNOW for a fact MANY women can relate too.

Personally I think it's a shame.

Not 'feeling' like it is a SAD excuse.

Read it & let me know what you think.....if you feel like it. ;-)

Mrs. Steve Irwin

I watched the interview w/ the Crocodile Hunter's Wife last week.

It was obvious she loved him & he her. It was heartbreakign when she said, "I have lost my Prince. I have lost my Prince."

You could tell that Steve, her DH, had such a zest for life.

What struck me the most & I found so inspiring was her acceptance of WHO he was. She did not try to change him, never did. Their honeymoon was unexpectedly spent chasing down a crocodile that was in danger. Crikey! Imagine?

Imagine if she would have tried to say: I love you BUT can you stay home for awhile? I'm tired of the swamp life, I need you home, we need you home, why don't you get a steady job & go take a shower! kwim?

She said he taught her how to have FUN & that was what she would miss the most. He taught her it was OK if you got some dirt on your clothes. Also it was obvious from home videos & testimonies that he lived life to the fullest, taking NOTHING for granted, day by day. He loved his children.

What an inspiring passionate marriage & love they shared. I also took note of the fact that she accompanied him on many of his adventures. His adventures were her adventures. It brought them closer & made thier marital relationship even stronger, it seems.

I hope that I can be such a wife. One that encourages & my own DH's passions, dreams & visions.

Do you inspire your DH passions?

Currently reading & HIGHLY recommend:

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldman

VERY insightful. It contains the results of a survey that the author did of hundreds of men, church going & non-church going. So far the answers have not been very surprising but I have asked my DH some of the questions & his answers have been in the majority as well.

I was especially enlightened by the burden/need the majority of men feel to support their families, whether their wives worked or not. It did clarify a bit of my Dh's work ethic to me.

THe need to put in as many hours as necessary to be sure the family is supported ect. Wow, it made so much sense, since my DH works MANY long nights, more often than not.

I am not finished w/ it yet, I might write even more when I am.

Do YOU inspire HIM?

What Is It That I Love?

If asked why I love her I would say

It’s the sway in her hips,

the thickness in her thighs.

It’s the lust in her lips,

the love in her eyes.

It’s the softness of her skin,

the silk in her hair.

It’s the twist in her walk;

it’s the sweetness in her talk.

It’s the way she loves me

that makes me love her each day.

That is what I would say.

- Justin Hutchins -

Spend some $$$

Buy NEW underwear!

It's WORTH it! No excuse.

Every woman should have a great stash of sexy, cute & comfy undies.

Silky or cotton, something that looks nice AND makes you FEEL sexy!

Splurge if you have too, it's NOT a waste!

Now is a great time to get them anyway...all those Valentine sales ya know! ;o)

Lovely Quote

Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of every day life into a golden haze.

Elinor Glynn

When did IT become so COMPLICATED?

The day you stopped teasing.

The day you stopped flirting.

The day you stopped playing.

The day you chose not to make the effort.

The day you decided it was effort.

The day you chose to expect instead of earn his affection, love & loyalty.

Is it time to simplify?